I’ve spoken about being a modern hermit before, so it will come as no surprise that I’m a big believer in the power of doing things on your own.
I’m an only child so I never really understood the fear of doing things on your own, or having to sit and amuse yourself. I have always just done what I wanted to, whether someone wanted to come with me or not.
I travelled all over Europe on my own when I was 18. I’ve been taking myself on solo cinema trips since I was 13. I’ve walked, and bus-ed, and train-ed, to anywhere I wanted to go. I’ve gone to gigs, eaten dinner, and danced all by myself, without a second thought.
I never thought doing any of those things was strange until people started questioning me on it.
Why aren’t you going with a friend? Isn’t your boyfriend going with you? Aren’t you scared? Aren’t you lonely? Oh, I would never do that on my own.
Those comments have come in waves throughout my life. But I hit a peak quite recently when I took myself on my second solo long weekend of the year to Bath.
So I wanted to say that it’s not weird to do things on your own.
It is weird to constantly need company. I know I’m an introvert and I’m inclined to like my own time. But even if you’re an extrovert and draw on the energy of having other people around, you need to know how to be on your own.
You need to get to know yourself, to feel that slight discomfort when you walk into a restaurant solo and sit in it. Just sit in that feeling. Lean into it, for want of a better phrase. It will pass. Then, beyond that discomfort, you’ll find another little bit of yourself.
When I take time with myself, when I’m not working or distracting myself, I often have to face things I’ve been ignoring. That’s not always a fun conversation to have, my demons aren’t always kind. But I do come out of those conversations stronger, wiser, and more sure of myself.
Doing things on my own makes me better aware of who I am with other people and how to do more with them.
Time alone isn’t weird it’s necessary. Take yourself on a date, you might just find someone you can love.
I think it’s great that you can go out and do things on your own like that! Being an only child definitely probably helped. I was the youngest out of three siblings and the only girl so I rarely had to do things on my own as a kid and that really made me hesitate to do so when I got older. I wouldn’t like to order at places or make any phone calls. Add in the fact that I’ve pretty much been in a relationship since I was 13, that independent streak was hard for me to find.
But, I’m SO much better now! Being in a long-distance relationship for six-and-a-half years forced me to gain confidence on my own and you’re right in saying that it may be uncomfortable at times but so worth it. There’s still some areas that I’m not sure I’d do on my own (such as going on a holiday somewhere new), but that’s more of a preference than an inability not to. If something needs to be done or there’s something I want to check out that no one else I know really cares for, I’ll do it. And there really is a nice sense of freedom in having that confidence and being able to do it.
(Of course, I do feel for those where that isn’t possible due to anxiety or other illnesses. It’s not always possible for others to doing things on their own, that’s okay too.)
Of course, this probably should have come with a caveat of doing as much as you can on your own. I know that not everyone has the same means, ability or luxury to go out an do things solo.
But I think what I was hoping to get at was as you described the “sense of freedom in having that confidence and being able to do it” where you choose to.