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We’re only at the end of January but already “burnout” is the word on everyone’s radar. There have been viral articles, videos, think pieces and there have been a lot of us feeling it. While I may not agree with all of the commentaries, I do know all about the feeling of being burned out. It had consumed me at the end of last year.

So, I decided that “in order to preserve what’s left of my sanity and my stability. [I was] thinking of taking a period of hibernation over this winter.” I planned it out and then I took a fortnight off all work and then a further month away from this blog to hibernate.

Planning is all well and good, but when it actually came to taking the time off there were three key things that I really focused in on and felt the benefits of resting, nesting, and ingesting.

First, let’s talk about resting. For me, going home is always the best way to switch off. I get to spend time with my dog which is something I end up yearning for somewhere in my soul when I’ve been away too long. My mum looks after me, even though she really doesn’t need to and probably shouldn’t. I’m so focused on being there, with them, I stop checking my phone and scrolling through feeds after feeds of content that isn’t nourishing. I go to bed earlier. I enjoy the lack of London rush. I am home. So the time I had there over Christmas, which totalled out to around ten days went some way to curing the tiredness I was feeling in my bones at the end of the year.

I talked a little about nesting in my hibernation post originally. I wanted to spend sometime before the new year to get my house, literally, in order. I’d like to say I got on the clear your shit up train before the Marie Kondo series mania, but I’m not sure what good it would do me. Taking the time to properly deep clean my space and reorganise left me feeling calmer, as it always does. I made sure everything had a place to go to; you have no idea the transformative power a shoe rack has had on my life. I also organised my digital files. I created templates for the documents I create most and structure around folders which had become dumping grounds. When you get busy, or at least when I get busy, things fall through the cracks and then after a while, bad habits are made. So, I reset and built a nest I wanted to come home to.

Finally, I ingested as much new content as I could. I watched films and TV. I read more. I’ve been to museums and parks. I’ve eaten new food. Mnemosyne, memory, is the mother of the nine muses. Remembering, putting ideas back together, is the foundation for all inspiration. If you don’t have memories to put back together, you don’t have anything to support your creativity.

But after that period of hibernation, I struggled to get back to my desk. I’d lost any inertia I had that had kept me running, even when all I had was fumes. Perhaps, that’s because I was still tired, even though I had plenty of ideas. Perhaps, it was a sign that I really needed to just sit and watch Netflix. But perhaps, it was a symptom of just going for a hard stop with very little preparation.

When you’re running you don’t stop by suddenly collapsing to the ground having a nap on the road and then have the expectation you can leap up and hit running pace immediately. You slow down. Then you sit. Then you rest (hopefully in the comfort of your own home). Then you get up again. You might walk at first. Then, and only then, do you start running.

There should be something similar when you take a break. There needs to be a transition period to help you adjust, to acclimatise to your new pace.

I think of it a bit like jet lag. Once you know it’s coming and you can give yourself space to deal with it, it doesn’t leave you half as wobbly.

Hibernation isn’t a sustainable solution to burn out. Working to a point of exhaustion and then taking a couple of weeks off – then having to fight myself to get going again – doesn’t make for a good lifestyle.

I need monthly, weekly, daily reminders that I’m not a shark. I can and should stop. I have to prioritise my life over a faux-need to be productive. My work will be better for it. But more importantly, I will be better for it.

But it’s easy to type that. It’s much harder to deal with the nagging sense of guilt when I’m not making and to shake the idea that when I am making it should always be for an audience, for external value.

I’m working on it.

In practical terms, going forward from here I’m abandoning my official content schedule. I don’t want to compromise quality, whether that’s in what I make for you or for clients, or in the life, I make for myself, for nothing more than strict adherence to a self-imposed consistency measure. That said, I still think I’ll write about two posts a week. There’s a huge list of things I want to write and illustrate and share with whoever may be out there. But I’m going to share when it’s time to share, rather than when the excel demands it.

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My last post was a full look back over the year that was. So, it only makes sense that I follow up with a peek into the future and my hopes, plans, goals and everything else for 2019.

 

When I started thinking about the new year my first thought, as it is every year, was that I want to be better in 2019. I want to do more, push myself harder. I want to make work that really makes me proud.

 

But after reflecting on 2018, I’m not sure that’s the right place for me to start. Instead I want to focus on finding a bit of that elusive stuff balance.

So, I’m taking a bit of a detour from my normal buckle down and start the year making approach, and actually taking a step back through January. I wrote about this in more length in my post about hibernation. Essentially, I won’t be blogging at all in January. I’ll still be on social media and doing bits and pieces of client work. But I’ll be focusing on reseting, on resting and properly taking stock, which is something I think I desperately need.

 

That’s not to say I don’t want to keep working and making next year. I love making things. Genuinely, I don’t know what I would do without it.

 

I still want to challenge my illustrative work. But instead of trying to take on as much work as I can I want to be proactive in reaching out for the work I want to do. Fingers crossed you see me doing more editorial pieces and hopefully something book related in the new year.

 

What about new year’s resolutions? This year I only have one. I’m not going to buy any new clothes in 2019. Now this might sound extreme (or not extreme enough) to some but I just don’t think I need to do it. It’s a resolution that’s born out of wanting to be better to the planet and to my bank balance. But I think, a bit deeper down, it’s a resolution that’s not about worrying about how I look and just focusing on enjoying my days.

 

I think that’s the crux of my hopes for next year, I just want to try and enjoy it more.

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Like a lot of people, the end of the year always puts me in a reflective headspace. While December 31st is a completely arbitrary moment, there’s so much around it culturally that it’s hard not to package up the last 12 months in your head and size them up.

 

I’ve done similar posts to this for the last two years, and I think they’re probably more for me than they are for any potential readers of this blog. I write them as little time capsules to look back on and to encourage me to properly take stock of the year rather than just focusing on the awkward interactions and fuck ups my mind tends to like to come back to over and over and over and over and over again.

 

So here it is, a brief look at my year in the round (a phrase I picked up from some judges this year – see the reflections have already begun).

At the end of last year I was just starting my role in Transform after a year of 3-monthly rotations. I was excited to get stuck in, to have some permanence and space for growth, to work with some people I think are pretty damn cool. Those feelings certainly haven’t gone away.

 

This year I really think I’ve grown in my role. I’ve carved out a space for myself within the work we do, focusing on research and service design. I’m working on a project, which while it’s incredibly frustrating at times, is fascinating and hugely rewarding. The frustration comes from a place of caring way too hard about what we’re trying to do, so it’s a symptom of love rather than boredom. While we’ve had some lows, we’ve also had some real successes, and I feel like I’m starting to own my role in those successes. The people around me are brilliant in their own ways and are constantly inspiring me to want to be better, and I know that I need to capitalise on that inspiration way more next year and also take time to let them know they’re what keeps me going.

 

In my non-work work I’ve done more this year than I ever have before. I think I say this every year but it’s true. I’ve had the pleasure of working with some incredible people and on some incredibly fun projects that have really pushed my work further. I’ve designed not one, not two, not three, but four podcast covers this year, which is kind of mind blowing. I’ve worked with old clients and new clients and drawn lots and lots of lovely people’s portraits. I think I’ve gotten better and I’ve started to make more of the work that makes me happy. I’ve also started to try and step up and be more professional. I know that if I want other people to take me seriously I need to do the same first.

 

Part of that work that makes me happy is still this blog. I know that I’ve taken a step back from it a little this year, starting to post twice a week instead of three times. I know that my views have almost halved, which perhaps should set off alarm bells for me. But I still love writing here and creating silly illustrations to go with those ramblings.

 

I’ve put more work into my social media and newsletter and they’re now bringing me so much joy, the newsletter in particular. It feels like a space where I can really be free and experiment with what I write and with what I draw.

 

I’m incredibly proud of what I’ve achieved this year. I’ve hit some of the big hairy financial goals I set myself. I’ve made some really great stuff, and consistently kept creating – even with the step back we’re looking at well over 100 posts this year, around 45 newsletters, and so many commissions.

 

It’s felt like sprint after sprint after sprint though, and now I’m exhausted. I’ve had so many moments of feeling burnt out this year. Every time it’s happened I’ve taken a short break but then pushed a little harder. But that’s not sustainable. Feeling weary in your bones at 25 probably isn’t healthy.

 

I need to find some balance between making myself proud and making myself happy. What I mean by that is, I need to work on nurturing those other sources of joy. The rush you get when you make something and love it is incredible, but I can’t rely on that to sustain me.

 

So, in short, 2019 was great personally (let’s ignore politically for this post) but I’m so glad that it’s time for the Christmas break now.

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This little blog has chugged on for another year. It’s definitely slowed down. It’s challenged me. It’s frustrated me. But it’s still brought me a lot of joy.

So I thought I’d take the time to rummage through 2018’s archive and pick out a few of my (and your) favourite posts from the year. This is also the perfect time to catch up with any you’ve missed.

These are by no means all of my favourites, I love them all, but I thought a top 5 felt like a good round number.

Most read – 12 GREAT PIECES OF DESIGN TO HELP YOU REDUCE WASTE

This was quite a late post to make it into the most viewed category, but it seems to have caught your attention. My kanken design story from last year has also being surprisingly popular – I have no idea how these things work. This 12 piece roundup was a bit of a spur of the moment post if I’m honest, but it was borne out of a genuine interest in reducing waste and love of design. It does seem like these spur of the moment posts often end up being the ones that catch the most attention, perhaps it’s something I should lean into more in the future.

 

Most comments – How to keep your eyes fit and healthy as a designer

I wrote this one after a trip to the optician where I found out there’s a lot of work involved in looking after your eyes, which isn’t just wearing your glasses. I’m so happy that we’re having a conversation about putting a bit of effort into protecting something a majority of us rely on everyday, especially when your work has a visual aspect.

 

Favourite to write – I’M A MODERN HERMIT AND I’M PROUD

I was tempted to put one of my design stories as my favourite to write, because I love researching them or my polemic on doing things on your own. But this was the piece for me that felt the most honest and has started to push my thinking towards bigger projects. While I might be considering how personal I want to get on this platform, I’m still so proud to have written this and I completely stand by it.

 

Favourite to illustrate – BOOK CLUB #20: SAYAKA MURATA’S CONVENIENCE STORE WOMAN

This was probably the hardest favourite to pick, illustrating posts is always the best bit for me. But I think the alternative cover I did for Convenience Store Woman is the proudest I’ve been of a piece for the blog this year. It combined my love of creating patterns, which is something I do pretty much every week on Instagram, and my not so secret desire to design book covers. Plus who doesn’t love a pink on yellow pairing?

Favourite series – The Monthly Roundup

The roundup perhaps isn’t my most creative series, but it’s one I absolutely love putting together, probably because it’s linked to my newsletter. I love sharing the best things I’ve read and the work of brilliant creative people. It’s a post that comes naturally, which something I’m really looking for these days.

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Instead of doing a monthly round up this month, I’m doing a whole series of year long reflections. I’m kicking off with sharing a few of my favourite things with you. I did a post like this last year and it felt good just to talk about stuff that I love and has stood the test of 12 months of use. I’m still loving and using everything from that run down (although I do have some new headphones, the sentiment is the same), but I’ve acquired a few new bits and pieces over 2018.

 

Nothing in this post is sponsored, I genuinely love everything in this list.

iPad and Affinity Designer

This year I gave into temptation and all of the reviews and invested in an iPad Pro. I have to say that I’m so glad I did. I didn’t notice the difference at first, but a few weeks ago I had to go back to my wacom bamboo and macbook set up and it felt like such a step back. The one app that’s really made the iPad work for me as a design tool is the release of Affinity Designer. You all know it’s one of my favourite apps, and getting to use it with the iPad is a joy.

 

Google Suite

I mentioned that I’ve finally started to make proper use of all of the tools Google offers in my design toolkit recommendations for 2018. So, GSuite had to be up there with my favourites of the year. It might not be the shiniest toy out there, but it’s genuinely made so much of what I do easier and more efficient.

 

Levi’s

This definitely isn’t a fashion blog, but this is a list of my favourite things from the year and finding a pair of jeans I love has definitely been up there. I may now own 3 pairs of exactly the same cut (the wedgie fit FYI) and I have no regrets. I also have a new appreciation of denim having written a design story on its origins.

 

Tarot

Tarot has been a big influence on my recent work, it’s also been a calming influence in my quest to battle my anxiety. I’ve written a whole post on my new found love for reflecting on my day using these wonderfully illustrated cards, so I won’t waffle here. But all I’ll say is tarot has really pushed me to be more reflective in a way that isn’t purely negative.

 

My Local Park

I’m missing this favourite a bit at the moment now it’s darker and colder outside. But earlier this year I started walking though my local park on the way home from work, and it has genuinely brought me so much joy. Those extra 15 minutes of walking have given me time to unwind after a day at the office, allowed me to actually see some green in London and made me feel so much more connected to where I live.

 

Spotify

I’ve had Spotify since the end of 2014 and it probably could have been a favourite every year since, so I thought it was about time I mentioned it in one of these lists. I’m more likely than not to be wearing my headphones at any given moment, and Spotify powers a big part of that, especially now it has podcasts as well. As I write this I’m at once intrigued and a little bit terrified to get my annual summary of how much and what I’ve listened to this year.