I am a sucker for a RomCom. There’s something about their familiar feel-good factor that I just love and can’t stop watching. But, I don’t really ever read Romantic Comedies. I’m not sure why. I think it’s perhaps something to do with an internalised stigma that they’re somehow less worthwhile than “more serious” fiction. I know they’re not, and yet something has held me back from really getting into them.

That was until I chose Graeme Simsion’s The Rosie Project as my holiday read last month. I knew I wanted something easy and fun, and I thought, after reading glowing review after glowing review, I thought The Rosie Project would be the perfect pick and it really was. I had such a good time reading it, and honestly, it felt so good just to be sucked into a story and get to revel in an upbeat love story.

This month’s cover redesign takes inspiration from Don’s relationship with ice cream (and relationships)

The Rosie Project is the story of “a brilliant yet socially inept professor of genetics, [Don Tillman], who’s decided it’s time he found a wife”. So, he decides to apply logic to the problem and designs what he calls ‘The Wife Project’, a survey to find his ideal woman by filtering out the smokers, the heavy drinkers, the late arrivers, and those with any dietary requirements. Surprisingly, he runs into a couple of hiccups along the way.

One such hiccup is Rosie Jarman, who although being recommended by one of Don’s only friends Gene, quickly fails to meet The Wife Project’s standards. Despite not being wife material, the pair do embark on another project together, one to find Rosie’s father. The progression of that project sees their friendship begins and many hijinks ensue.

As I said in my intro, what really stood out to me was just how easy The Rosie Project is to read. That might sound like a strange thing to praise, but finding a book that really pulls you through its pages and makes you smile as you go can be hard to find. While I didn’t find it to be laugh out loud funny (it’s rare I find a book that makes me audibly chuckle) I did find myself grinning at the end of each chapter. It was a story I could imagine on screen, which is I think why I enjoyed it so much.

That enjoyment was sustained throughout. But there were moments when Don’s Asperger’s seems to be skated over or easily forgotten in a way that doesn’t quite ring true. For example, he describes his intense dislike for being touched, but when it’s convenient to the plot that seems to be forgotten. As a novel that tries to get into the mind of a man with high-functioning Asperger’s to me at times that felt like it didn’t ring completely true. However, maybes those quick solutions are just part and parcel of creating a book with such pace, and similar plot solutions are generally taken as part and parcel of the genre.  

If like me you’re a fan of a romcom, or you just want a story you can race through I’d highly recommend The Rosie Project. It’s fun and light, and sometimes that’s exactly what you need.

SOME QUESTIONS TO PONDER AS YOU READ

  • Romantic Comedies characteristically have quite set plot points, how does having a sense of what’s going to happen before you go into a novel change how you read it?
  • How well do you think Simsion presents and handles Don’s “cognitive difference” in the storyline?
  • The Rosie Project was originally started as a screenplay, do you think that has had an effect on the writing style?
  • How does Don’s initial Wife Project compare to how the web has tried to make a science out of dating?
  • What’s your favourite ice-cream flavour? Can you tell the difference between it and something similar? (This is the aspect of the book I’ve probably spent the most time thinking about)

IF YOU WANT SOME FURTHER READING TRY…

 

IF YOU WANT MORE BOOKS LIKE THIS HAVE A LOOK AT…

Why not use The Rosie Project themed bookmark I designed to keep your place as you read? You can print and download it for free here.

As ever, let me know if you’ve read The Rosie Project, or if you have any recommendations for what I should be reading next.

Spending your day typing or drawing all day can be hard on your hands. They get tired. The muscles get sore. They stop performing as well. Just like athletes we need to take care of the muscles that we need to be able to perform well. That’s where giving yourself a little hand massage comes in*. As well as being a great remedy for aching hands, it’s also the best way to relax, wind down, and work a little bit of self-care into your day.

It’s something I like to do at the end of my working day before I settle down and get cosy, and it helps signal to my body it’s time to relax and it leaves my hands and wrists feeling soooo happy.

Before I get started, the most important thing to do is to get comfy. In my opinion, all good things start with pyjamas. Then I take off all of my jewellery and slather on some hand lotion to make my skin feel nice and soft and to make it easier to massage my hands. At the minute, I’m loving the Aesop Resurrection Hand Balm It works really well and smells gorgeous, but you can pretty much use any moisturiser or body oil you have to hand.

The first thing I do is I give my hands a bit of a shake out. I let them fall loosely then give them a quick wiggle. I wave my fingers about, as if I’m doing some really over dramatic fake typing. Then I stretch my fingers out as wide as they will go and then ball them into a fist a few times.

I generally work all the way through one hand, then do the other from here on. But if you prefer you can do each stage on both hands then move on. As with anything I ever recommend, do it in whatever way works best for you.

I start by manipulating my wrist. Bending my hand forwards and backwards, holding my palm between the fingers and thumb of my other hand. Then I put my thumb and middle finger in the little gap between my wrist and my hand and wiggle my hand from side to side.

Next, I work my thumb in little circles horizontally across my palm, starting at the top near the join of my index finger. I repeat this across the whole of the palm.

Then, using my thumb I work up my palm in little caterpillar motions up my palm. I place my thumb at the heel of my hand, on the side of my little finger, with the nail pointing towards the finger than scoot it up. I repeat this across the whole of the palm.

After that, I make circular motions, quite firmly, on the drumstick-y bit of my thumb from both sides of my hand using my other thumb and middle finger working my way all around that big muscly bit.

Next, use exactly the same technique working my way up each of my fingers starting at my little finger working my way over to my thumb.

Once I’ve wiggled my way up all of my fingers, I work my way back across, finishing each set of circular motions by pinching and applying a bit of pressure to each of my nails.

I finish my just giving my hand a general rub over, as if I’m washing my hands, then repeat the first shake out motions.

*Obviously, prevention is better than a cure. So, as well as giving yourself these little massages to keep your hand muscles in tip top shape, please please make sure your desk is set up in a way an office HR manager would be proud of. It’s good for you!

I am a big believer in treating yo self, and not just because I love Parks & Rec. I genuinely believe that treating yo self is good for you, and it’s something that I practise absolutely shamelessly (as you should too). So, before we get on with the rest of this post, here are 5 good reasons you should treat yo self, right now (if you want to):

  1. You deserve it – you’ve made it through today. You’re doing well. Just keeping on can be hard. You deserve something that will make you feel good.
  2. It will pick you up – who would have thought that getting something that you want leaves you feeling good?
  3. It’s a little bit of self-care – treating yo self is a little way to show yourself some kindness and reaffirm your own value, whether that’s that you’re worthy of sometime off, getting to read that book, or a little bit of ice cream
  4. It can motivate you – either having a treat waiting for you when you achieve your goal, or just to reaffirm you’re on track feeling good about yourself and a project can make you more keen to get on with it
  5. When you treat yo self you’re better able to treat those around you – if you’re in a good place and you know how to value (and spoil) yourself, you feel much more secure and positive and so you’re much better able to take care of those around you without needing something in return

SO JUST TREAT YO SELF TO A COOKIE

The first and most important rule is that if you want a cookie, you can have a cookie. You’re a gosh darn grown up.

Treat yo self just because you can. If it makes you happy, just do it. Sometimes you just need to take a moment to go, yes, I am doing a good job, or yes, I have survived this awful day, week, year, and I deserve something nice. Those new shoes will put a pep in my step. I’ll come back to the office rejuvenated if I take myself out on a long lunch. I’ve been using the same old set of pencils for so long and I’ve improved so much that my work deserves a step up in quality.

You deserve to look after yourself, and feel a little bit special from time to time.

It’s also so nice to schedule in things to look forward to, because sometimes even grown ups need bribes. For me, that comes in the form of Friday morning cocopops. During the week at work I have a healthy breakfast, but when it comes to Friday I am allowed to have some cocopops and it marks the end of the week as a joyous time. It also gives me something to focus on Monday through Thursday.

Yes, a lot of my treats are food orientated, my dog and I have a lot in common starting with the fact that you can get us to do anything for a snack.

BUT REMEMBER COOKIE IS A SOMETIME FOOD (copyright Elmo)

While Oprah says that a treat isn’t something that must be earned or justified. If you have a treat every day, it stops being a treat. For example, Christmas is great. But if you had Christmas all year round it wouldn’t be a special occasion any more, and you’d probably end up hating Wizzard. And I’m saying that as someone who LOVES Christmas.

I wrote a little while about practising patience, how to do it and why it’s worthwhile, and one of the big morals of that story is the cookie will taste better if you wait for it. I have actual first hand knowledge of this now, I used to have an evening treat every night with my cup of tea – a biscuit or some chocolate, just something sweet and lovely. But now, I only have those things on weekends (and sometimes Friday if it’s been a tough week), and let me tell you I appreciate them so much more.

I’m trying to practice this even more with big treats, and actively save up for them. This is in part so that I don’t spend as much, and in part so that it feels way more exciting when I get them. For example, I have been coveting a Monica Vinader pendant for the longest time, and I’m just waiting until I really feel like it’s a big treat yo self moment.

Remember when Donna and Tom celebrate treat yo self day, it’s the best day of the year, not every day of the year.

Get to Know Your Inner Critic

A while ago I wrote about dealing with negative self-talk. That spot check process for the way you’re talking to yourself remains relevant and is something I still use. But, since then, I’ve been thinking and reading a lot about it, and I have some more to say on the topic about the root of your inner critic and how to ultimately understand it rather than just battling the negatives as they come up.

The first thing to note is that your inner critic was originally created to try to help and protect you. When you’re little you’re told all sorts of things that you should be to be good, to be liked, just to be accepted. Sometimes those things came as negatives. So, your brain created your inner critic. A little voice to pre-emptively tell you to do things a certain way, a voice that internalised what it thought was necessary for you to be loved. It critiqued your performance. It told you you couldn’t do things before you tried because it was trying to stop you from getting hurt by failing.

It tried to help in a misguided way. But that voice doesn’t know when to stop.

The more you listened to it, the bolder it became, the more right it thought it was. Until it got to the stage where it wasn’t just giving you little nudges it was kicking you when you were already down.

Or at least that’s my voice.

When I started to think of my inner critic as something shaped by the environment I grew up in, as something that started by trying to help, it was much easier to understand why it said certain things. For example, my inner critic is at its worst if I make a mistake in front of people, especially if I was meant to know what I was doing e.g. if I’m cooking a meal, or leading the way on a walk. When I was at school, because I was supposed to be clever, my making a mistake was seen as a much bigger deal (we’re talking laughter, I think someone once cheered when I didn’t win something academic) than me getting something right. So, the most shameful thing my inner critic can think of me doing is showing another person that I get things wrong. So, that’s when it’s at its meanest.

But I’m allowed to get things wrong. That’s what I would want to say to my younger self: “you’re allowed to get things wrong, what’s important is that you’re learning and trying”.

I can’t stop the fact that it feels awful to get something wrong. But when my inner critic turns it into a spiral of shame and negativity, I’m aware enough to be able to say to it “I hear you. I know why you’ve said that. I understand. But it’s actually okay now. I’m going to keep going”

As well as having the potential to be really mean, your inner critic also has the power to be really sneaky. Inner critics can either make the bits of ourselves we’re most uncomfortable the focus of our attention or it can try and make them disappear. Sometimes these disappeared qualities, are referred to as being disowned, which I think is just the right level of emotive.

To find your disowned selves, try thinking about someone you really personally don’t like, the person who you tear down in your mind and makes you feel self-righteous and superior. I know that person exists. What is it that you specifically judge about them? Are they arrogant? Are they greedy? Do they always flake? Do you think they’re super needy? Ugh you would never do that right?!

Eh probably not, quite often the biggest flaws we see in someone else’s character are the flaws we’re most frightened of having. We’ve hidden them. Disowned them.

This works the other way too. Who do you admire most? Who’s on a pedestal they could never fall from? Are they loyal, or caring, or hard working, or smart, or just plain good? So much so that you could never be as good, you could never be like them. But you could be, and you probably are.

You are neither as high and mighty or as lacking, as you think you are.

We’re all probably much more complex than we give ourselves credit for. We also have to learn to accept the fact that we’re not without flaws.

The most powerful tool you have to work with your inner critic and disarm it, is to understand why it’s saying what it is and to understand and accept all of yourself, even the embarrassing bits. This is also the hardest thing to do, so please give me all of your tips.

Personally, I think it’s impossible to get rid of your inner critic, as much as certain self-help books and articles might have you believe otherwise. You’re always going to have moments where you wish you’d done better, said something smarter, or at least not something quite so silly. That’s actually a good thing. It’s so important to be aware of your own shortcomings. If you don’t know about them how can you work on them?

But there’s a difference between critiquing your own performance constructively or at least understanding it constructively, and just beating yourself up. And there’s a difference between always listening to that voice and letting it control you, and hearing it but letting that sound wash over you most of the time.

But that’s easier said than done.

But I’m working on it.

If this is a topic you’re interested in, or if you just generally like a bit of a pep talk I can highly recommend Brené Brown’s 99u talk from a while ago. Her honesty and advice is really refreshing, and it’s what got me back into trying to work with rather than against my inner critic. A lot of what I’ve been reading is also really well summarised in this article.

How’s your relationship with your inner critic?

If there’s anything I’m known for in the office other than being the resident grad, and my sparkling personality, it’s my journal. Whenever I move office, I get at least a couple of comments on it a day, because it sits open on my desk, it’s orange and I guess people are intrigued by my tiny handwriting. So, I figured, if it’s interesting enough for office folk to ask about it, it might just about be interesting enough to share with you guys.

First off, I would like to say that I’m not sure if what I do is technically a bullet journal, is there an official definition? Can someone let me know? But it does keep me organised and make me feel much more together than I actually am which is all I can ask it to do.

My journal has been through many incarnations and permutations as my life and career have changed. Initially, it was inspired by the homework planner I had to carry around in school. Then it was just a book of lists. Then back to being a day by day to do list in a diary. Then it was my attempt to make something like the journals I saw on studyblrs. Then after all of that, it came out as something that worked for me. Something that included all of the things I needed my lists, my habits, my key dates, in a format that worked for me still day by day but in an undated notebook on dotted paper, that looked how I wanted it to neat and practical but still attractive.

It’s an ongoing process still though, and I’m sure that as my life changes so will the journal I use to organise it.

I think journals are just so personal that I didn’t really want to do a top tips style post because the only tip I have is try things out and make a journal that works for you. So instead, I thought I’d share a few of the bits and pieces that make my journal my own and why I choose to do them in the way that I do.

TOOLS

RHODIA WEB NOTEBOOK WITH DOT GRID PAPER IN ORANGE

I previously used various incarnation of Moleskine, squared, diary, A5, pocket, but as soon as I used my first Rhodia Notebook I wasn’t going back. First, let’s discuss the paper.  It’s so smooth. There’s n no bleed through, there’s no feathering. It is a pleasure to write on. Second, dot grid paper is the only way to go. It allows you to line up your writing whilst giving you plenty of freedom and still leaving the page mainly free compared to squared pages. Third, it’s orange! The soft touch hard cover wears really well, and is always easy to spot in the office. It’s also worth noting the elastic fastener, ribbon and back pocket are all properly sturdy as well. In the past, they lasted me around 6 months, but with the style I’m using I think it’s going to be more like 9 months to a year. It’s safe to say I’m a little bit in love with this notebook, even now that I’m on my 5th I think.

PILOT V BALL 0.5 IN BLACK

There’s nothing too special about this pen. It just writes really nicely. It’s smooth and comes out with a good even deep black line. 0.5 is the perfect width for the size of my handwriting and the size of the dot grid.

POST-IT NOTES

I like to include any lists e.g. shopping or packing lists, any schedules, or any other miscellany on post it notes. It separates them from the main body of my journal and means they can be moved around or taken out in the case of my shopping list. I keep a stash of yellow square post its in the back pocket of my notebook. But I try and change the colour up as much as I can because it’s probably the only fun element to my journal. I am particularly partial to the light pink rectangular ones for schedules or longer lists.

COLOURED NOTE BLOCK

The calendar that’s stuck into the front cover of my journal is a new addition. I realised I was struggling to joy down dates further in the future than a week and I was having to turn to digital solutions, so I decided to make a little calendar. I like having a centralised monthly spread rather than waiting every month to draw a new one out. Mine is made out of 12 pages of one of those coloured note blocks and I love it. It’s just big enough to include everything and just small enough not to intrude on my journal. I am toying with the idea of including a calendar in my first few pages of my next journal though.

 

WHAT’S INSIDE?

WEEKLY SPREAD

Every week I do a weekly spread with, surprisingly enough, a list of the things that I have to do that week. This takes up the whole left-hand side of the page. The right-hand side also includes a bar tracker for my habits (exercise, writing in my journal, and making something), a list of the blog posts I want to work on that week, my overarching work goals, and a little notes section. I give my week view a full page of its own because my to do list normally takes the full height of the page.

DAILY SPREAD

I can normally fit two daily spreads per side now that I’m at work every day and my personal to do list isn’t as long. This means I get more use out my journal and my pages look fuller. Just as in the weekly spread, the left-hand column is a to do list. The right-hand column is habit tracking with tick boxes for my weekly habits plus making sure I eat enough veggies and drink enough water. Underneath my habits, I like to include a work to do list. I have a separate notebook for all of my rough work notes that I take in meetings or when I’m planning out presentations, so that work to do isn’t normally too long. I usually have to put some kind of notes in the middle as well as I think of ideas or other things to add in.

DECORATION

When it comes to decoration I don’t really have any. I box my dates and hand rule a line between days as you can see, and there are icons for my habits but otherwise I don’t really decorate my bullet journal. I love seeing beautiful BuJos where people illustrate their weeks and include stickers and washi tape, but that’s just not for me. My journal is just about sorting my head out and keeping things neat and simple.